discuss Is it possible for a person over 30 years old to live peacefully with his or her parents?

[King Belieal]

I have observed that in my country and other parts of the world, when once a child attends adulthood, they are already making plans to leave their parents and stay alone. For most people, before they clock 28, they are most likely staying alone by themselves.

The thing is that it tends to be difficult for an adult child to live with the parents. That's because the parents might still want to control that child. They might not allow the child to have the freedom he or she might need as an adult.

Do you think a person of 30 years can practically live peacefully with his or her parents?

 

[Kross]

I strongly doubt that an adult can live peacefully with his or her parents. It is very difficult for parents to allow their children absolute freedom under their roof regardless of the age of the child. It is always advisable for an adult that seeks freedom to leave the parents and stay alone.

 

[lens]

Based on experience, it is not an easy thing but I think it's possible provided they are willing to establish clear boundaries and will respect each other's independence.

 

[NatureFreak]

While I don't see the possibility of me going back to stay with my parents, I believe that it is possible for an adult to live with their parents if they understand that he is matured enough to make decisions and take responsibility for them.

 

[Fidelia1]

I and my mom are extremely close to a fault. But I am sure that if I move in to stay with her, it won't be long before we would start having issues. And persistent issues can lead to bad blood. Adults should stay on their own.

 

[Shortie]

I believe it depends on the person as to whether it is possible to still live with your parents above the age of 30. Whilst some parents may be quite strict and hold you back, others can be quite laid back with rules that are not too strict.

With the way the world is at the moment, most of those who could have left and gone off on their own tend to instead choose to stay with their parents as it's more affordable for them.

 

[MamaFrankie]

From my experience, no. I was not even allowed to leave home.

 

[Shawn]

I did it.

I was living alone and my home started having a lot of problems to the point where I got into debt and start starving because I couldn't afford to feed myself.

I was in my mid-20s then.

I broke down and moved in with my uncle who I had lived with for my teenage years. He was alone and wanted the company and it worked out. I lived there until I was about 35 or 36 until I moved in with my girlfriend and now wife.

In all honesty, I was depressed living there. It was because it wasn't my own and I was alone. When I met my wife, it all changed and now it's perfect.

 

[Fidelia1]

In my own culture, parents are always autocratic. They always want to have a say in how you have sex with your husband, especially the mothers. You can't obviously live with such parents as an adult.

 

[Harsh World]

Having lived in the Western world and in Asia (Japan), I have a totally different view on living with parents now.

In the US, it's encouraged to get up and out of the nest at 18, when the brain is not fully developed until 25, to try and make it on their own. In contrast, here in Japan, kids will stay with their parents up until their 30s.

Anecdotally, of the two groups, who do you think is more financially secure by the age of 35?

I can tell you from observation, there is a lot less financial strain on Japanese when they are ready to start a family.

They always want to have a say in how you have sex with your husband, especially the mothers.

This is weird. But, in Japan, there's a simple solution for this: Love hotels. You get away from the crowded house for 2-4 hours, do your thing, and get back home. As far as anyone knows, you just went out to the shopping mall.

I was living alone and my home started having a lot of problems to the point where I got into debt and start starving because I couldn't afford to feed myself.

Going based on my anecdotal observation of the two cultures, do you think if you had stayed with your parents (or uncle) until you were at least in your mid-20s, knocking on 30, that you would be much better off? Ignore the fact that where you are now, with your wife, may not have happened, for argument's sake (I always attribute the hardship of being down on my luck to ultimately being lucky to get to where I am now).

From my experience, no. I was not even allowed to leave home.

What was preventing you from packing up and making the decision to leave on your own?

Based on experience, it is not an easy thing but I think it's possible provided they are willing to establish clear boundaries

There's mutual respect in Japan for it to work on such a large scale. Sharing a 1-family household with adult children can be tough. However, it's a lot better in the long term.

 

[MamaFrankie]

My parents were the problem, Harsh. I was actually offered a place but they made me turn it down. They were too strict. If you want more information, I could message you.

 

[Harsh World]

My parents were the problem, Harsh. I was actually offered a place but they made me turn it down. They were too strict. If you want more information, I could message you.

No, that's fine.

Sorry that you had to deal with that in your life.

 

[Shawn]

Going based on my anecdotal observation of the two cultures, do you think if you had stayed with your parents (or uncle) until you were at least in your mid-20s, knocking on 30, that you would be much better off? Ignore the fact that where you are now, with your wife, may not have happened, for argument's sake (I always attribute the hardship of being down on my luck to ultimately being lucky to get to where I am now).

Potentially.

However, personally, I'm glad it happened the way it happened.

I now have first-hand experience at what it is like to be poor. I couldn't afford a high electric bill, so I turned off the heater during the coldest winters days. My hot water tank was damaged after a blizzard took the window glass out and it snowed on it for 12 hours while I was at work. I couldn't afford a new one and my pipes froze and busted under the trailer I lived in. The underpinning was bad, and I couldn't afford to fix it. So, I took night "wash off baths" in a pair of sandals and nothing else in the cold at the outside spigot. I couldn't afford food, so I bought cases of Ramen Noodles and just ate those.

I did that for about 3 years.

I was young and full of pride, so I never asked for help or made it known of my situation -- which was not intelligence of me.

However, I know how it is to be poor and then rise up and get out of being poor. I'm thankful for that experience.

 

[Yama]

It is possible and I lived with my parents, I was even married with a kid at that time. I am so grateful to my parents that they looked after our baby when we focused on our work and managed to save money. If you are married and your spouse is also living with you it can be difficult if your spouse does not get along with your parents.

 

[Apsara]

Frankly speaking, it’s possible for someone over 30 to live peacefully with parents. But there needs to be respect, and personal space.